emergingsoul:

soon-to-be-ed-free:

lisforliving:

  1. Not being able to go out to dinner with friends.
  2. Not being able to go out to parties with friends.
  3. Not having friends.
  4. Having panic attacks.
  5. Having panic attacks at the grocery store.
  6. Having panic attacks at the kitchen table.
  7. Having to go to 3 or 4 grocery stores because you can’t find “your brand.”
  8. Having “a brand.”
  9. Planning when and where you’re going to eat.
  10. When those plans don’t work out.
  11. Making all your plans around those plans.
  12. Automatically counting the calories in everything you eat.
  13. Automatically counting the calories in everything everyone else eats.
  14. Not being able to eat your favorite food.
  15. Realizing a piece of fruit has more control over your life than you do.
  16. Spending hours on food websites.
  17. Being stared at because you can’t make up your mind at the store.
  18. Not caring that you’re being stared at because you can’t make up your mind at the store.
  19. Being laughed at by waiters.
  20. Being laughed at by sales associates.
  21. Breaking promises with everyone, including yourself.
  22. Lying to everyone, especially yourself.
  23. Going to appointment after appointment after appointment…
  24. Giving up your summer to be in treatment.
  25. Giving up school to be in treatment.
  26. Giving up your life to be in treatment.
  27. Being on 5+ prescriptions.
  28. Paying for 5+ prescriptions.
  29. Paying to see the doctor who prescribes you 5+ prescriptions.
  30. Arguing with your insurance company.
  31. Crying over everything.
  32. Crying over nothing.
  33. Having a loved one come into your room in tears because they think you’re having a heart attack.
  34. Having a heart attack.
  35. Osteoporosis.
  36. Infertility.
  37. Lanugo.
  38. …after appointment after appointment after appointment…
  39. Blood draws, EKGs, and DEXA scans.
  40. Not being able to look in the mirror.
  41. But having to look in every reflective surface you pass.
  42. Not knowing whether you’re going to wake up in the morning.
  43. Not knowing if you want to wake up in the morning.
  44. Feeling guilty.
  45. Feeling guilty for feeling guilty.
  46. Brittle nails.
  47. Making excuses.
  48. Being too anxious to sit through a movie.
  49. Being too weak to open a window.
  50. Being too tired to get out of bed.
  51. Hating yourself.
  52. Hurting yourself.
  53. Numbers.
  54. Having everyone know.
  55. Not having anyone know.
  56. Being too cold to go outside.
  57. Constantly arguing with yourself.
  58. Being worried about.
  59. Secretly being worried about yourself.
  60. Knowing you need help but not being able to ask for it.
  61. Living by arbitrary rules you impose on yourself.
  62. Not being able to hold down a job.
  63. Not being able to support yourself.
  64. Bruising.
  65. …after appointment after appointment after appointment…
  66. Meal plans.
  67. Losing your identity to the disorder.
  68. Being jealous.
  69. Muscle cramps.
  70. Heart palpitations.
  71. Losing your hair.
  72. Not being able to shop at your favorite stores.
  73. Lowering expectations.
  74. Losing your sanity.
  75. Having to explain yourself to everyone.
  76. Feeling like everyone is looking at you.
  77. Losing your dignity.
  78. Recovery relapse recovery relapse recovery relapse.
  79. Relapse.
  80. Losing your mind.
  81. Disappointing everyone, most importantly yourself.
  82. Answering the same questions over and over and over again.
  83. Being watched 24/7.
  84. Losing your freedom.
  85. Losing your life.
*Originally posted by approachingthehorizon (deactivated)

this.

Aw I miss Julianne

4,314 notes

stillbutterfly:

Hello, followers.  It is time to hibernate.  Please join me in sleeping for the next few months.  If we all hibernate together, none of us can be held individually responsible.  Society will just have to adjust.

95,700 notes